Transmitter wrote this in the wee hours:

Overheard while sitting outside of Kaldi’s:

“Speaking of Cosmopolitans, what were we drinking last night?”

The Sky is Falling

Transmitter wrote this in the wee hours:

I caught the weather report tonight while driving home in the rain: “Tonight there is (and this doesn’t happen often) a 100% chance of showers.”

First off, no shit. It’s raining. Second, 100% isn’t a chance, it’s a fucking sure thing. And for the reputation of forecasters everywhere I hope that the “this doesn’t happen often” was referring to stating the obvious.

Fortunately, meteorological wisdom redeemed itself with a more insightful quote from an article in the RFT: “It was colder than a witch’s tit.”

Christmas is a Whore

Transmitter wrote this in the wee hours:

I hate how Christmas starts immediately after Thanksgiving. Christmas can’t even wait for the fucking sheets to get cold before climbing into bed. What a whore!

You already get the whole month of December, Christmas, so get your cock out of November.

Men Are So Straight

Transmitter wrote this in the early afternoon:

The “men are assholes” mantra is certainly an overplayed classic. Of course, I agree wholeheartedly and can gather a fistful of my own experiences to throw at the chauvinists, but I’d just be another shit-flinging chimp. I want to do something more productive than bitching about it. I want to change the way men and women interact. There must be some way to teach men to stop being assholes and women to stop allowing it.

My favorite approach to gender issues has been deconstruction through blurred boundaries or as Donna Haraway put it, “pleasure in the confusion of boundaries.” The male/female binary used to be confronted in the mass media through glam rockers, those iconic androgynous gods like Bowie, Bolan, and The New York Dolls.

I can pull off the androgyny, now I just need to become famous and teach the world to be loving and compassionate or…fucking bisexual. Perhaps the mantra should be changed to “Men are straight.”

Watch Your Phraseology

Instead of saying “that’s so gay,” say “that’s so straight.” Remember boys, straight is the new gay.

Aluminum Died for my Sins

Transmitter wrote this late at night:

My brand new MacBook has a dent in it. I foolishly left it on the floor in the path of the chotzky that fell from bookshelf as I slammed my knee into it. At first I was only concerned with the throbbing pain in my knee. Then, I lamented my marred laptop, realizing that while my knee will heal, my laptop is forever scarred. The clean, brushed aluminum surface is broken. The OCD in me started to twitch. I wanted to scream.

While I repeatedly rubbed the gash, trying to make it disappear, I calmed down. Nothing is perfect. The dent gives my laptop character. I’ll invent some fantastic story about how it got there:

While building houses in Mexico, I pulled out my laptop to refresh myself on the schematics. Just as I opened it a misguided nail ricocheted toward my face. The nail, headed straight for my eye, instead bounced off of my open laptop. Were it not for Apple’s sturdy metal design you and I would be talking eye to eyes. Having come so close to mutilation and possibly death, I now take my laptop everywhere with me and proudly tell the story of how my laptop was damaged in exhange for my life.